I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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