What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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