Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
