he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
