I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
