think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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