i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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