I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
