She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
