please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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