what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
