fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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