Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I believe in your delicious
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