the new term for farting is butt boxing.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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