My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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