My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
where are my eyebrows?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
