there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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