Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
