Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
