I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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