becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
