ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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