turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
