Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
