This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
