if i died would you start the facebook group?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
