this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
