dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
