First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
