i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
