the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
