Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
