we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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