you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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