All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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