I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
