amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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