I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
