you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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