and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
