She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
