If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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