My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
