She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
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i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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