ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
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We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
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He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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