I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
