I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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