Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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