Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
