So drunk, too bad you don't want this
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
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Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
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You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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