barbara walters just said penis...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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