Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
