well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
