my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize