So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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