when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize