is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
