it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
