Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
