I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
