Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
BRING THE BAGELS
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
