Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
pop tarts are not kleenex
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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