THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
