Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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