I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
